It’s been about a year now since I last posted my art online in any capacity, and the simple truth is that, outside of some fits and starts, little bits here and there, I have not really worked on a single “project” (defining this as multiple pieces with a collective theme or focus) in that whole time. There are many reasons why, little things here and there that got in the way, personal crises, etc., but I suppose that the core of it is that I’ve had a crisis of faith. I had, for several months, been caught in a cycle of “going through the motions” after finishing the biggest project I had ever started, a book called Quagmire about the swampy nature of trauma and broken trust, and trying to repair a relationship (and yourself) when your trust has been broken. This project was very difficult for me to make—it took me two years, I burned myself out in the process, and left the process feeling drained of ideas and unsure where to go next, which made me feel eclipsed by the work. I started to wonder Why do I make art? Why is this important? Who cares? and at the peak of this questioning, George Floyd was murdered, and the country erupted into the largest civil rights movement in history. This encouraged me to the conclusion that such self serious work as my own is essentially trivial, and so I stopped. “What does any of this mean in the face of abject tragedy and a warming world?”
I am making this post, and starting to do things like post to my Instagram Story, because I no longer believe in that conclusion—for the simple reason that I have remembered that communicating to each other is important. At the time, I had not really connected to a work of art in a long time, and doing so recently reminded me that all our problems are shared, even ones that may seem specific, internal, or trivial, and that being able to relate to artwork can be cathartic, or at least a great comfort. I think its important, and beautiful, for us to share in these things, and incredibly valuable. Watch 8 1/2. Fellini knows.
Stray Thoughts:
“So, what are you working on?” you may generously ask. I am currently working on three separate projects. The first of these is scanning and “cleaning up” (in photoshop) old decaying polaroids from a project I made in 2018 about being very sick in order to compile them and release that as a zine along with an essay about the work. I won’t dwell too much on the other two (who knows if they’ll get finished), but they are new works. One of which is my first book of photography since I “finished” Quagmire in December of 2019. I am hoping it will be cathartic, and almost more importantly, actually fun for me to make.
Fellini described artwork as a gift from the artist to his audience and to himself. Artwork is a kindness, I think, that we do for ourselves and for each other.